Is this the season for break-ups and heartaches? Because I have consoled a couple of friends lately. For someone who had been hurt a few times over, let me just say this, Pink wasn’t right when she said that break-ups only bend you. They also break you, but you still have to get up and try.
Let’s talk about pain after a break-up. I have a name for it – Phantom pain. Medically speaking, it’s an achy, sharp, burning, cramping, shooting feeling (Sorry I had to miss putting an “or” in there) in the missing part after an amputation.
When you’re in love, you give a part of yourself in the process. I guess that’s what the loss is about. Just like undergoing an amputation, you lose things that you can never get back – basic things such as time and energy. However, it’s not those elements that make the experience unbearable.
You also lose dreams. Of finally having your own happily ever after. Of shining moments walking through a long aisle filled with luscious flowers in a bright, simple wedding gown and veil with the love of your life waiting on the other end beaming at your glow. Of waking up with bad breath and still being able to kiss your honey good morning. And deciding you’d skip work to stay in bed.
You lose traditions. Of good morning and good night calls and texts. Of monthsaries and anniversaries; of date nights and family occasions. Of mannerisms which would perhaps include reminding him it’s time to shave or get a haircut. Of taking the skin off his fried chicken or simply leaving some space for him on your left on the jeepney.
(Pause. My chest is about to burst.)
Five minutes later…..
You lose a confidant and companion. I don’t know if it’s just me or does anyone also feel like there are some things that you can’t tell to your bestest friend? And the only person you can pour out all your sentiments to is your significant other? That’s one of the most difficult things right after a break-up – the lack of someone to talk to about everything. I guess it’s one of the factors why your chest hurts after a heartache – it’s full of emotions that you can’t vent out.
Then there comes days when you’ve got nothing to do and parties where all your friends are in pairs. The only thing that you can derive from the situation is the fact that you are alone because you just lost your you and me against the world.
Like an amputated arm or leg, you lose a part of yourself that you cannot even preserve. What’s worse is the only cure to it is time, some happy pills, and hormones that you cannot quite emit. Or you can devise your own placebo by finding something that can make you believe that the pain is gone.
Let’s face it. It hurts. Even if you can’t see
it him anymore. What people don’t realize is that, even without an arm or leg, there’s the rest of your body to be grateful for. A heartbreak does not make you any less of a person. In fact, it just goes to show that you have gotten through something that could’ve completely torn you to pieces. It is when you realize that in the process of losing something, you actually gain more.
To a couple of my friends out there, here’s a song that will keep you going.