Looking back.

I’m probably too wrapped up in those feelings that I had for him back then. Those good memories are just too good to be true to be buried altogether.
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Forgiving was hard but it eventually came. Although one cannot simply jump into forgetting. It can take years or even forever to leave some great moments behind.

All those corny stuff. The flowers that I got just because he felt like giving me some. My mother was probably happier than me for those.

No, we didn’t travel anywhere or had dinner at a fancy restaurant. I was happy because of all the random stuff. The sweet nothings.

Of laying on the rooftop talking about people, politics, religion, and even history. Of sharing one small bag of chips and fighting over the last piece. Of arguing over hairstyles. Of controlling laughter together because we might be reprimanded. Of sneaking kisses and I love yous while doing something. Of happily doing our own thing and pausing at the same time to steal a glance and smile at each other. Of cuddling and tickling until we cry of belly laughs. Of him randomly showing up my doorstep just because. We didn’t even text each other that much, how could we when we were together almost everyday…

No, I’m not holding on to these memories because I want him back. It’s just that I think I wouldn’t have them ever again in my life. Maybe I can’t totally get over the memories because it was then that I was happiest.

When I look back, I remember the hurt, the fear, the pain, and the nightmares but I dont’t feel them anymore. I now look back to cherish. To cherish whatever we had back then. What irony of life. He made me the happiest but he’s not the right one for me.

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6 thoughts on “Looking back.

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